I’d like to tell you a story about a dog, a man, and why I’ll no longer trust animals. Read into it what you will.
A couple of weeks ago, I played golf in Long Beach with my Dad and a couple of work friends. One of these friends recently took a job in Knoxville, so they’re in the process of selling their home in Southern California. They’ve lived down the street from my Dad’s place, in fact, for about two years now.
This is worth mentioning because we told this family that they could hang out in our pool while we played 18 holes and they held an open house at their home. Another important fact is that this family owns large canines. Dogs, for the lapers. One of them, the ironically named “Genius,”a great dane, is about the size of a small horse. Here’s an illustration:
On that fateful day, I drove separately from my Dad and the boys, so naturally, I drove faster and got home quicker. Knowing that these friends of ours were in the backyard, I went straight back to say hello. As I passed through the gate, however, Genius the dog confused me for someone who meant her family harm.
Stupid dog.
Immediately, the dog came up to me, snarling and growling. More surprised than scared, I held my ground, waiting for Genius’ owners to calm her down and get her the hell away from me. They tried, and she didn’t listen. She came closer, and now started barking. Did I mention that this dog is pretty freaking big? I mean, seriously, it’s at least three and a half feet tall.
Well, it’s about that time that I start getting nervous. Not scared yet, because I had met this dog several times before without incident. I looked up at Sue, one of the owners, and realized that she was a lot more frightened than I was. She yelled for her daughter’s boyfriend to grab the dog, so he began to run after it. This caused the dog to run at me.
Just as the boyfriend wrapped his arms around the dog, “Genius” bit down on a good piece of my stomach. Yeah. Ouch. So I did what came naturally – I punched that dog straight in the face.
As quick as it had begun, the whole thing was over. Thinking back, that dumb dog probably could’ve done much worse if it had wanted to.
I still have marks on my stomach.
The end.
K
