As I was grabbing lunch today, heading down the stairs to my little corner of the building, I had a moment of panic. This panic came from the realization that I was, once again, about to have lunch. I know that sounds silly, but it felt like I had just eaten yesterday’s lunch. This thought made me realize that it also felt like I had just eaten last week’s lunch. And last month’s. And last summer’s.
This was the precise moment I began to feel that sick, panicked feeling, the one you get when you realize that chick you’ve been eying from across the bar has an unusually large Adam’s apple… Or rather, I imagine that might be the same feeling. I wouldn’t know for sure. But I digress, and not a moment too soon…
What I’m trying to say is this: Time is going by way, way too fast.
Ten years ago, I was just about to begin high school. I was working for my uncle’s contracting company, painting various barricades and ladders in a warehouse with only one color: safety yellow. I was leaving behind an old group of “friends,” wondering if I’d find any new ones. I was playing baseball.
Seven years ago, I had just graduated high school. I was hanging out with my bros and having as much fun as I could, trying to cram in as many good times as possible before embarking on my LDS mission. I had found a very close group of friends, but knew it wouldn’t last too long. Our ideals were much too different. While I was preparing for a church mission, they were spending a lot of time getting high. I felt like I had one great friend in Josh, but the rest were drifting away. Also, I had quite a bit of experience in the “love” department by that time, but all I had really found by then were all the things I wasn’t looking for in a girl. I was happy, and I felt that I was coming out of the funnest time of my life.
Five years ago, I came home from my mission. Everything was different. My best friend Josh was slowly dying from Lupus, so down on life that he didn’t even want to keep going. My dad had a new job that meant we were now a two-city family, which was great. My dad was also now a golfer, and he got me into it (at first, that was definitely not so great). All I had at this point was my family, and it wasn’t long before I felt extremely alone. Some of my friends had gone off the deep end, some had dropped off the radar, while others simply didn’t appear to care for my friendship anymore. I’d lost all confidence with girls, so that wasn’t making matters better.
Three years ago, Josh passed away. I spoke at his funeral. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
At the present time, I have feelings of positivity and hope that I haven’t had in a while. I’m better and stronger for the things I’ve gone through. I still have my family. I’ve been reunited with old friends, picking up some new ones along the way. I feel like I have value again. I feel like this is all leading somewhere, and that I’m on the verge of great things.
When I had that moment of panic today, I was forced to ask myself a few questions. Am I using my time effectively? Am I doing the things I need to be doing? Am I preparing myself for what’s to come?
Looking back at the last ten years makes me realize how quickly the next ten will go. Each day’s a gift, and I cannot allow myself to waste a single one.
K
(I’ll add pictures to this when I can get a hold of them)
